Bear with me......

I just wonder if anyone reading this blog finds it rather depressing? I don't want people to think I am unhappy because I am not. I have a pretty good life...although I would like more money, lol, but don't we all.......and am content most of the time. It is only in my 'quiet alone times' that I feel a bit bereft. No I will change that word. I feel sad. just now in the bath I felt a tear trickle down my face. I know it is the sadness over not having Jonesy any more that starts it, and I do feel totally mystified that it happens after so many months. Yet this is what this blog is all about. This is why I started it. Jelly cat therapy is my way of dealing with my emotions after Jonesy's death.
I do feel terribly guilty, though, and I have mentioned this before. An old school friend of mine is suffering the trial, literally, into the death of her son. He was stabbed last year, and consequently died. In my past I have had to deal with some things I would rather not have done, and I feel an affinity with her. The trial is happening at the moment, and hopefully the person who stabbed her son to death will go to prison. She has been distraught since it happened last year. I only recently added her as my friend on Facebook and haven't seen her for years. I know how she feels because of the posts I have seen since she added me as her 'friend'. So for me to feel so sad over the loss of my cat cannot compare with what she has had to deal with? sometimes I do a certain thing and it reminds me of what Jonesy would have done at the same ytime. For example I often read a book in bed. Jonesy would sit right close next to me and place his two front paws on my left arm. His body would gently rise up and down as I turned the pages, moving my arm. He would not move and it used to make me smile that he was so comfortable like that. Jonesy would sometimes 'sigh' when I turned a page, as if it was such an inconvenience for him! Strangely enough, at the beginning of last year Ripley started to do the same thing. I would end up with both of them, side by side, resting their front paws on my left arm. It got jolly hard to turn the page I can tell you. Ripley did it last night again and it reminded me so much of Jonesy. I suppose cats copy each other and that is how they learn, similar to children? The one thing I do miss is carrying Jonesy in my arms. One of the pictures in this blog shows him with his paws on my shoulder. I loved carrying him like that and miss it madly. Weird huh? None of the other cats like being carried that way...in fact they wont be carried for long if I do try it. he would stay for ages in my arms. How much more must my friend miss holding her son in her arms for a hug? Maybe it is all relative but I also do wonder if I really should feel like this over a cat?
I do have fantastic memories of Jonesy...and my calender for this year has a picture of him on each month. I do sit, sometimes, and think about the girls though. Ripley seems pretty perky these days, at least for an older cat. Both she and Peanut are 16, almost 17 I suppose, and certainly Peanut is starting to show it. She is looking a little 'tatty', but still manages to howl the place down, as if she is starving to death, when the roast chicken is being carved for Sunday dinner! Ripley is pretty much tone deaf now. We have tested her hearing and she really cannot hear hardly anything. Mostly, the two girls sleep and eat, and meow like everyone is ignoring their needs, when they feel like it. All in all it can be pretty noisy in our house at times!!
So, is this blog helping me? Yes I think so. I don't seem to need to write every day now. Sometimes I get moments when I go over in my mind what I want to write, but often that is forgotten by the time \i get to use my laptop. Sometimes, as I have already said, I will get an over whelming rush of a memory and feel the need to write about how I feel, but again that is usually gone by the time I get to the blog. What do I expect to get out of this blog then? Hmmmm, now that's a question and a half. I suppose I want to get back into writing about my life, like I used to. I love writing, or should I say typing, lol, and want to do it more. There are many things I have memories of in my life and it would be nice to share them, but for now it is all about my cats. I know I will move on to things that interest me, like family history and all the stories that come with that. I love history, and information programs, and art and flowers, and reading and all sorts. So much to write about!!
So bear with me, and bear with this blog, please. I will try to start being upbeat, if only not to drag you all down, lol. If you read it I thank you, and I hope you will carry on. Jelly cat Therapy has loads more to offer, I promise..............