Let's get the bad stuff out of the way.......

On October 22nd 2011 at about 4pm in the afternoon Jonesy was put to sleep by the vet. I wanted to type those words and get them out of the way. I actually wanted to put something more dramatic like....'Jonesy was killed by the vet'....or....'Jonesy was given a lethal injection'....or....'Jonesy died'....but it would have shown my anger. That anger is something I didnt know I felt so badly until now. I think it has been bubbling under the surface of my mind for a little while, but I have managed to suppress it. All part of the grieving precess I expect, and I hope I can get it out of my system here rather than blurting it out at some point? Time and time again I realise we just don't talk about death enough in this country.Whether it is the death of a human or an animal it has an effect on a person's life if that 'body' was part of their family...part of their life. Just because it is an animal, a beloved pet, a death should not diminish the feelings of grief.
Anyway, I had to get the calender to check the exact date of Jonesy death, not because I had forgotten, but because I wanted to know. I have counted the weeks and it is only just over 4 weeks ago. I am amazed it is such a short time ago, but also amazed it is so long ago. We are only November. He died in October...last month in fact. I think i am torturing myself by writing that, but as I write it I have smiled. Maybe torturing yourself is part of the grieving process too? Gosh just how far can I go in my analysis of grieving over the death of a pet?
Jonesy had only been really ill for a couple of weeks. At the beginning of the year Jonesy had a urine infection, probably cystitis, and he went on a course of antibiotics. Who knew a cat could get cystitis? Who knew a male cat could get cystitus? Well he recovered, and spent the summer lazying around in the front garden (more on that in a later post) or on the neighbour's recycling box, neatly positioned to catch the afternoon sun. We, (the family) put it down to him being an older cat....a 15 year old male tom cat who had got into scrapes during his life, and was stiffening up and slowing down. All of us expected him to grow older and get fatter and eat lots and sleep lots. After all that's what tom cats do!
Around the beginning of October I came home from work one afternoon, on a half day, and Jonesy used the cat litter tray. He tended to go outside most of the time so I thought he had been 'caught short' and went to check if it needed cleaning out. As I looked closer at the white cat litter crystals I realised the spot when he had urinated was a pink colour. Jonesy seemed fine so I phoned my husband, saying that maybe we should get him checked out as he could have his urine infection back. Jonesy went outside very shortly after and urinated on the grass again, and sure enough when i went and looked the area was pink. Again Jonesy seemed fine and happily ate, drank and snuggled up to me as usual as I sat on the sofa. He also managed to annoy our 2 other cats as per normal, by wanting to sit where they sat or by following them about. Jonesy was 'boss cat' and the 2 girls knew it well. Mind you he often got a swift paw round the head if they managed to get one in before escaping! That evening my husband laid some paper and tissue by the front door. One of the girls, and Jonesy from time to time, seemed to take great delight in urinating by the door instead of using the cat litter. It didn't matter if the cat litter was clean....once they got into the habit it was hard to break. The paper was the lesser of two evils.....having to scrub a carpet was definitely the worst! I will always remember my husband calling me at around 9.30 that evening, to come and look at the paper. The note of controlled panic in his voice made me rush.....Jonesy had urinated on the paper and it was red. It wasn't pink, it was bright scarlet red. My husband rang the vet straight away. Jonesy, meanwhile, trotted off to munch on some food, totally indifferent to our worry. The vet asked some questions...was he eating, was he drinking, did he seem okay......ie, as pet owners you always recognise if your pet is under the weather.....and the answer was yes. Jonesy was eating, drinking, meowing at us for attention as usual. In fact he seemed totally fine except for the lurid red urine. Okay said the vet, bring him in first thing in the morning, but feel free to ring if we were worried about him.
I told work that I had to go to the vets as my cat was ill.......9.20 appointment.....and I am lucky I have an understanding manager. It took maybe 10 minutes. Jonesy had another urine infection. He needed antibiotics. He didn't appear to have any lumps. He seemed fine and had no temperature. In fact he probably had cystitis again. One course of antibiotics later and Jonesy's urine was back to normal colour. For a day or so, at least. Then it came back. I should not have looked on the internet. Don't look on the internet.